What to do when you know death is near for you or a loved one.
I know this might seem like such a morbid blog but it is not intended to be.
Dealing with Death is like Dealing with Racism.
People skip by it and they just don’t talk about it.
Because it’s easier.
It’s not easier to ignore important topics in life.
If it’s uncomfortable, it’s probably something that needs to be done.
You see what I’m saying?
If you have ever had a really old relative who started to struggle with their health, then you have dealt with this struggle.
You’re at the family reunion and you don’t want to spend too much time with Grandma because she if fiesty and will tell you that you are just after her money but really you want to see her as much as you can, because at the age of 90 plus…you know that stats.
You watch her as her skin becomes more sallow and her body doesn’t repair as good as it used to.
You delight in the fieriness she gives you by trying to argue with you about something so stupid you can’t even remember.
She is always on the run.
Where is she going?
Does it matter?
How do you stop that aging or dying person to stop for a moment and pay attention to you?
You want to connect because you fear they will be gone and if you don’t connect you feel like you will lose everything.
And coming from the other side of this idea….I want to tell you that you will not lose everything.
You will gain experience and experience will help you the next time around and it may even help you when you reach that point in your life that death is knocking at your door.
I don’t know if I’m near death.
I know I have sarcoidosis.
But that’s all I really have to know.
I have to manage myself and my life and the rest will do itself.
I can make anything I want to happen in my movie called “My Life”.
So..what do you do when you know death is near?
I mean like it might be here tonight? Tomorrow?
Did you hear me?
You remember (what you can….)
If you can’t remember, you talk to those that love you that do.
Let them tell you stories of your life.
Tell them what you remember of them.
Let them know that your journey would have never been anywhere near as awesome as it was without them.
You know when you are near death that you don’t sweat the small stuff anymore and you actually start to wonder why you sweated it in the first place.
You let emotion be real.
Life is about love.
Love is about openness.
You come to realize that you are not the be all end all on Earth (if you didn’t figure that out already) and you try to soften the blow for those that you are going to leave behind.
Who knows what’s on the other side.
And neither do you.
Scientifically, you become a pile of elements again that are recycled back into the Earth and into another being, object, rock, chemical….whatever.
You will never leave this Earth, in essence, but your aura…..your soul will.
You can live forever in memories and stories.
Make sure your stories are ones that will continue on in the world and help others not ones that cause more tragedy.
Die laughing if you can. (That’s my plan)
Do not be afraid of death.
LIVE to the very last second that you are given.
And if you are someone that is on the other side of this story, you know that one who is not sure what to do or say around someone who is close…..you may just need to sit and listen.
Maybe, if you are the person who is trying to figure out what to do around a dying person, you need to just stop worrying so much.
Stop trying to fix everything and make everything perfect.
LIFE is a gift enough when you are at the late stages.
Waking up and seeing that you still exist is a miracle some days.
Waking up and seeing your loved ones surrounding you…..even bigger.
Humans were not meant to be alone.
We were not meant to isolate ourselves and we certainly weren’t meant to cause each other pain (although we can and unfortunately do).
Graceful dying is truly a gift to have.
A close friend of mine is going through a very confusing time right now.
Literally losing their mind and going into assisted living because after an aneurysm that was operated on this past week, they are now hallucinating and the world they knew is different.
The aneurysm was in their stomach….not their brain.
But this person is close to death. We all know it and if we all go in swarms to say our final good byes, people are afraid we will offend this person.
You know what I say?
You can’t offend them when they are dead so is that what you want to wait for?
You don’t have to be offensive to show love.
The comment that you will offend someone who is probably so lost and confused and scared…of all things….is absurd to me.
No one likes to be scared.
And if you have to be scared….no one wants to be scared alone.
It is much better to be in the dark with a flashlight with a friend, family member or companion of some sort (cat/dog/bird/whatever) than it is to be alone wondering what the shadows will do to you.
So…What do you do when you know death is near?
You grab a flashlight with your friends.
You hold hands.
You make contact.