Enjoying Life After a Loved One Has Passed Away

I have to address this issue because I have seen so many people, including me, forget about what life is really about and they get stuck in their sorrow when a loved one passes (especially a spouse)

I remember when my wife was alive, I use to take her presence for granted.

I would spend so much time in my garage, which was detached from the house, with my tools and talking “shop” that after she died, I just wallowed in sorrow and didn’t visit my workshop for months.

I think maybe I felt some sort of shame or responsibility for her death because I didn’t spend more time with her before she died.

It’s not that we didn’t spend time together, it’s just that I spent a lot of time in the workshop piddling around.

As time has passed after her death, I have realized that my time in my shop was because it was my hobby and something I love dearly.  It’s not something that I need to be ashamed off but rather something I should actually turn to more when I feel the pain of her loss.

My wife was amazing.

She was the only woman I have ever met who was able to do what she did in the ways that she did it.

She could relax and joke with me and she hardly ever complained about the world she lived in ….and she worked with special kids her whole career.

Even when I played my silly antics on her or by doing things I probably shouldn’t have (like chase the neighbor kid with a chain after he bullied my kids) she would always stay light hearted and not tell me that I was wrong (I was).

She kept promises and secrets and she always helps someone in need.

Not me.

I’m a grump.

Much different than her and it will always make me wonder why I was so lucky to have her in my life….she was wonderful.

My son’s feel her loss the most and I think my daughter is just so busy with her kids that she doesn’t have time to stop.

My daughter is like my wife.   She is  a teacher and she has had a couple brushes with death and a scare with a tumor but nothing like my wife had.

I pray she won’t ever have to go through what my wife did.

It is hard to watch someone lose their mind because of a brain tumor and to watch them go into seizures and not be able to stop, then it’s just unbearable at times.

Clearly I still have some work to do in getting over my wife..but maybe I don’t have to get over her…maybe I just have to get over the fact that she is gone.

I’m doing ok.

For months I kept the box and bag that her ashes came in long after I had placed the ashes in her cemetery plot.

The day of her funeral was sad.

IT was a memorial and a ton of people came.

People I hadn’t seen in years that she had touched.

She always had a way of making people feel good.

She kept her private thoughts about people with the family so it was like we, her family, were in a secret club if we got to find out what mom really thought of the crazy hill billy that lived down the road with a one legged dog that chased our youngest son.

Nowadays, times have changed and as I watch my son raise his kids, I’m glad that I had my kids in an earlier day and time.

Nowadays, people are trying to make money online and doing all sorts of these mlm things to make money and it seems that no one wants to work for a living anymore.

I found this really interesting website the other day http://www.marikinavalley.com/

I was looking for information on health products because I figure I should start getting healthier and figured a weight loss smoothie might be the quickest way to get healthy being that I really hate vegetables and fish.

To lose weight for me would be much better in some sort of milk shake or something.

I had to spend some time figuring out why a website from marikina valley would be talking about weight loss and then I saw that it was some type of review on these things called mlms.

Mother loving Mothers….hahaha.  Just kidding.

Apparently mlms are multi level marketing shops for something like that.

At any rate, I saw a lot of information and I just didn’t realize there was anything like that on the internet.

I suppose I figured the only thing that was ever online was people like me , major stores like Sears and Target and maps and things like that.

I had no idea, other than ebay, that there were these mlm things where people sell stuff to you with ads and such.

The other interessting thing I learned this year was that facebook connects you to very old friends!

Can you believe that I’ve connected with my old high school classmates?

It’s very strange and kind of super neat to see what people are up to after not seeing them for over 40 years.

Well.  I suppose that’s all I really have to say right now.

I just wanted to get all that information about my wife off my chest and talk about living after death.

Really there is not answer I can tell you.

I can tell you that I saw a psychologist and read a book about mourning and it may or may not help you.

I can also tell you that I’ve spent a lot of time, these past couple of months, looking at the internet and just kind of relearning about the world.

I’ve ignited and started to nurture a new adventure and chapter in my life.

Things after my beloved are different but they are not worse and I know things will get easier as I grow.

My next big step is deciding if I want to find love again.  Is it even possible to find someone to love at my age and after my wife?

I’m sure it is because people do it all the time, but it seems unreal to even thing about sometimes.

Have a good night!

-Gerald